It's 840AM, and I've been awake for the past one hour. Today is one of those mornings where I feel melancholic, nostalgic, and incredibly mellow.
It's been 4 months since the year has begun, and I would say a lot of things has happened in between which brought me to the position I am in right now. I have no other alternative than to feel what I am forced to feel, and to miss what there is to be missed.
I'm starting to wonder if it is all really worth it. The people I have met and lost, the memories I have built and are now only left to be reminisced. I'm also wondering if anything is ever going to last. And if the world will forever disappoint me, and if my continuously happy days will ever exist.
Cause it seems to me, that I can never be truly appeased with each day that goes by.
I've always been such a little believer, but is that now not a wise thing to be? I'm getting pretty tired of my emotions. Of never being lastingly at ease. I'm starting to think I am doomed to be this way. That I don't deserve everlasting contentment.
And it's okay if you don't like me, I don't like myself too sometimes.
Some days I feel guilty for unintentionally or intentionally pushing people away. Some days I wonder why people have the heart to push me away when I haven't done anything wrong to them. Or even if I did, they never said anything to show me that I have. But I suppose that's just the way it is - people fall apart. Sometimes with no valid reasons whatsoever. And we are to just accept and live with that.
I've always believed there is more to life than this. And I've been wishing to get that chance where I can finally see it all. I hate the thought of being stuck, imprisoned. I was never one to be tied down. I like to be free and be able to do whatever I want, to feel however I want to feel, to see all the things I wish to see and to speak my mind the way I intend to.
But is there anybody out there who is capable of capitulating with my shit? I have yet to find out.
Maybe you feel like I expect too much from the world, but it's only because I believe the world is adequate of my expectations. But. The bigger her dreams, the bigger the chance for it to be crashed, for her to be broken.
And I am aware of my nonsensical beliefs and not to mention how superstitious I am, may I just rub it in. However, for as long as I am able to feel anything, anything at all, no matter how unhealthy that feeling could be for my heart and soul, I suppose I should be grateful.
For it is better to feel something, than to feel nothing at all.
Now that would be day when all faith, is lost.
It's been 4 months since the year has begun, and I would say a lot of things has happened in between which brought me to the position I am in right now. I have no other alternative than to feel what I am forced to feel, and to miss what there is to be missed.
I'm starting to wonder if it is all really worth it. The people I have met and lost, the memories I have built and are now only left to be reminisced. I'm also wondering if anything is ever going to last. And if the world will forever disappoint me, and if my continuously happy days will ever exist.
Cause it seems to me, that I can never be truly appeased with each day that goes by.
I've always been such a little believer, but is that now not a wise thing to be? I'm getting pretty tired of my emotions. Of never being lastingly at ease. I'm starting to think I am doomed to be this way. That I don't deserve everlasting contentment.
And it's okay if you don't like me, I don't like myself too sometimes.
Some days I feel guilty for unintentionally or intentionally pushing people away. Some days I wonder why people have the heart to push me away when I haven't done anything wrong to them. Or even if I did, they never said anything to show me that I have. But I suppose that's just the way it is - people fall apart. Sometimes with no valid reasons whatsoever. And we are to just accept and live with that.
I've always believed there is more to life than this. And I've been wishing to get that chance where I can finally see it all. I hate the thought of being stuck, imprisoned. I was never one to be tied down. I like to be free and be able to do whatever I want, to feel however I want to feel, to see all the things I wish to see and to speak my mind the way I intend to.
But is there anybody out there who is capable of capitulating with my shit? I have yet to find out.
Maybe you feel like I expect too much from the world, but it's only because I believe the world is adequate of my expectations. But. The bigger her dreams, the bigger the chance for it to be crashed, for her to be broken.
And I am aware of my nonsensical beliefs and not to mention how superstitious I am, may I just rub it in. However, for as long as I am able to feel anything, anything at all, no matter how unhealthy that feeling could be for my heart and soul, I suppose I should be grateful.
For it is better to feel something, than to feel nothing at all.
Now that would be day when all faith, is lost.
