Everything you dream of, but never can possess.
I feel peculiar. My teeth feel funny like I had cheap wine. My heart is pounding like I'm nervous for a race. My mind isn't at ease and my hand won't stop wanting to move things around. To say I'm content is a big fat lie. To say I'm restless is an understatement. Dang, I'm confusing myself even.
I want to do so many things right now, but I'm terrified at the thought of the possible consequences. Coward coward pathetic coward. I'm losing it, definitely. I'm definitely losing it. I need to get back on track and prioritize and put my life in order once again. I can't go on living like this, I feel like I'm losing myself and even people around me. You know what else I think? I'm overreacting.
Godddddd how do I fix this. Who do I reach out to, to fix myself? Well that's easy. God, of course. I put my life in His hands and let fate do and give whatever I deserve. But that doesn't sound like me, does it. Sitting back and not doing anything about life, accepting whatever that comes my way. No, I decide my future. I do what I want and say what I wish to whoever I want, whenever I want. Yeap, thats me right there. Or was, that was me. Now all I do is make up theories and try to live with it and accept the way reality works.
Honestly, other people's happiness make me happier more than a lot of things. When I'm down, and I go on Twitter and see a certain guy tweeting something positive about my best friend, it makes my night straight away. Knowing my sister and her boyfriend have been together for almost two years now make me smile. Finding out a guy I care for found someone he really likes and knowing she makes him happy, makes me happy. Maybe it isn't my happiness, not directly nor personally, but it sure is something. A big something. I just want all the people I love and care about to be happy, genuinely happy. That alone is enough to make me feel alright.
