I dropped it, but maybe I should now pick it back up.
I know I just blogged earlier today, but I'm feeling pretty down and I've no one I feel like going to so.. I guess you're all I've got, blog.
I probably sound like a loner or pathetic right now but I don't really care. I am alone at the moment anyway so whatever. Been listening to the song up there for quite a few times and somehow it's my song for the day. It's not been doing me any favours though, its bringing me down as the minute goes by. But honestly I don't mind. I don't mind being drowned into a sea of dark and gloomy nights with sad brokenhearted love songs. I felt like crying, yes, but I haven't shed any tears yet. But if I do I wouldn't mind either. At least I could finally let it out. Maybe keeping it inside would only make things worse.
Its funny, cause people usually see me always laughing and both mentally and physically active. But maybe its normal for everyone to have nights like this. When you get too happy during the day, something's bound to go wrong at that night. Or vice versa. Happens to me all the time and it is something I expect to face everyday. Problem with me is I think too much. God I hate my mind for that sometimes. It wouldn't stop remembering and fantasizing. Dreaming. Reminiscing. Everything. Always so optimist yet always so negative. It gets tiring, and I wish there was someone who I could count on to understand. Not that I'm saying the people I know don't get me, they do. Lord they do. But I don't think loading them with my always changing decisions, perceptions and whatnot is a good idea. I'd feel sorry for them myself. Might as well keep it inside.
Sighing can be so satisfying sometimes. God.. this is unfair. It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. I wish I was on the same page as everyone else. I think I'm left behind and everyone's already on the next chapter. I must've missed out on alot to be so darn clueless. How could this be? I just.. don't.. get it. Maybe its just me. Maybe I expect too much and no one was planning to give anything in return. And God, to make it better I just remembered the lines of words I had to read today from a guy I barely had much thoughts for. Who knew? I mean who fucking knew. They always catch me off guard and render me speechless. I felt so bad you have no idea. Hurting a guy, or anyone at all was never an intention. I just.. I just have no idea sometimes. Like right now.
I need some people to have mercy on me. I need a few to try to understand. I need someone to tell me everything is going to be okay.
