Tired

I guess I just have so much stored inside me. All the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the letdowns and crushing of dreams.. it's been eating me up and it has drove me around and now I'm back to where it all started. Maybe I haven't been just acting tough, but I have been mould into a strong person because I have gotten used to pain. Maybe I don't care as much anymore because I know things don't matter as much to people as it does to me. That's the problem with me, I care too much. And I let myself get hurt too much.

I wish I was stronger, tougher. I wish I was one who could hold back tears. I wish I didn't care about feelings and don't allow anything to faze me. I wish I was content with my decisions instead of always being so indecisive. I wish my feelings matter to people instead of them always taking me for granted. Cause that's how I honestly feel at times and I'm honestly just tired of holding back so much in order to make other people happy. What about my happiness? Or is everyone else so absorbed with theirs that they forget to give a shit about mine?

I hate this. I hate exposing myself to people because it would only collect judgments from them and that is one thing I am absolutely tired of. Being judged. Everyone just can't keep their hands to themselves and they make assumptions like they're the gods of the world. What is wrong with this generation? What is wrong with me? Everytime I try to change, people just tend to make a habit of bringing me down. What could I have possibly done so wrong to deserve this? All I ever did, was love people. I never started a fight out of nothing cause that is just not me. But people, people can't live with that. They can't see me happy without wanting to ruin everything and tearing me apart.

I'm tired of believing in people. They always claim to be different, but eventually in the end they turn out to be just the same.