A random Thursday evening, a random act by me. I was going through this brown box I have. It's not wooden neither is it stainless steel, its more of polyester I suppose. Anyways, inside is where I keep random stuff like hotel keys, pouches, unused purses, and letters. Many, many handwritten letters and cards.
It only took me a glimpse of the small red and white box to feel tears welling up in my eyes. Inside, as I remember by heart, laid purple stuffing with a purple card on top. It was only two lines and a name, but enough to make me feel nostalgic. Touched my heart once again. My one and only, Hanna Rafflee. Maybe its weird to think about the past after all the time that has gone, but it's not that I haven't gotten over it. In fact it made me realize that I have. I have moved on for a while now and I have healed. But now I'm just simply stating that I miss the memories, that's all. It was lovely while it lasted and I might have said I regretted this and that but I take it back. I don't regret anything and I'll never look back again, not ever. I'm glad I had those memories to live with, no matter how long or how short the time was. It happened, and I'm smiling now that it did.
I also came across a thick folded white paper. As I unraveled it, I found out it was a white mahjong paper given by another person from the past. That sure made me smile. Not one space was left empty, it was filled with writings and endless lines of words. And drawings. And also, a huge collage of cutout magazine pages in the middle that reads #1. My eyes made way through the whole gigantic paper and I caught myself smiling. Oh, the things lovers did for you. Feels a bit weird now that we don't as so much exchange even a simple Hi anymore. Back then, we were each other's half. Funny isn't it? I think it is. I'm not asking for any of it back, but some things I do wish would've ended differently. But again, no regrets.
Letting go and change has never been my forte. Its never easy to watch someone walk out of your life, even worse without a hint of goodbye. But it happens. You know, its just the way life is. I wish we had something else to blame on. Like, Murphy's Law. Or karma. Now that one gives no one a rest. What goes around, always comes back around. Some people take it so lightly, as if they think they could escape this natural cycle of life. Unfortunately, everyone's a victim of it.
Sometimes in life, its a habit for us to reminisce. I do it all the time. Either I lay on my bed with music in my ears and eyes opened, images of the past replaying in my head, or I would sit and look at the view outside. Or I would dig out old stuff and re-read them, touch carefully the things I've been given or hug the sweaters or pillow that reminds me of anything significant. I don't normally cry when I do, instead I smile to myself. So many people have given an impact on my life, in ways that even they were not aware of. I always appreciate the little things, be it a hug or a compliment or a thank you. It doesn't make sense, sometimes, how easily we can lose someone. Just out of the blue, with no early warning. And then we'll be left thinking where we went wrong.
But goodbyes aren't always based on something gone haywire, it could simply mean that person was never meant to be in your future. After all, everything happens for a reason. So maybe he/she left because God never gives us something we can't handle, therefore the permanent absence of someone from your life might actually change a lot of things. In a better way. It might hurt for a little bit (or a lot) the first few months but after that, it'd all be alright again. I've learned that, and that's why I only look forward for the better days to come once more and endure the pain that I've to go through for now. Because I know.. things are gonna look up and stay upwards, eventually.
