It's A Cold And It's A Broken Hallelujah

I hate how I'm such a wreck at night. I hate how my heart is fragile and easily hurt. I hate how I put such high hopes in people. I hate how I set myself up for disappointments. I hate how I get angry at the world. I hate how nobody truly gets me. I hate how I feel like I can't count on anybody anymore. I hate how I can't express my feelings to people the way I really want to. I hate how I can't share my thoughts without bothering about the consequences. I hate how I'm stuck with narrow minded fucks. I hate how I can't escape from the harsh truths of the world. I hate how I lose people by pushing them away. I hate how I keep everything to myself and complain about how nobody listens, to myself. I hate how I can get so weak and vulnerable. I hate how I don't have a hand to hold on a night like this. I hate how I'm losing hope by the actions of other beings. I hate how I get neglected like I mean nothing at all. I hate the way I get treated as if I'm a punching bag. I hate how I get terrified and I have no one to tell me everything's going to be alright. I hate how I'm never satisfied with what God has given me. I hate how I have to mask my emotions just so that nobody would ask. I hate how I don't let my guards down. I hate how I am never contently happy. I hate how I can't go through a day without someone messing it up. I hate how I can't get what I want. I hate how everybody has a habit of overlooking my feelings. I hate how I don't tell the truth when it all comes down to me getting that one chance to. I hate how I hate everything tonight. I hate how I have no one I can rely on to comfort me without any fear. I hate how I easily get comfortable with people who probably don't feel the same. I hate how I can't put myself to bed without feeling torn. I hate how I am getting tired of being tired. I hate how I don't feel like anything or anyone is enough. I hate how I am back to square one.

But most of all, I hate how I hate the way I hate the things I wish I didn't have to hate.

I hate hating. But I brought myself to hate again after so long.