I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back.
I admit, I was expecting to be in a more horrible state. But I was proven wrong by my own self. Then again, I realized it's probably because I've been distracted by other things and people, to let myself acknowledge the loss I've managed to gather.
Tuesday night, however, was a personal direct call from reality itself.
The day and night went on great. We went to Lookout Point, it was Iman's birthday and her going-to-be boyfriend at the time wanted to surprise her there (which may I add went romantically perfect which resulted to Farah, Qyla and I to our ritual of squealing, shrieking and screaming out of excitement). Proud mothers, once again we were. I was gonna stay at Qyla's that night with Farah as well so we went back to her place. Decided to go to Baan 26 with about 9 others and it was Balqis' birthday so we celebrated a little (or alot..) It was fun. Probably too much fun until it ended up to Farah and I sitting on the cold tiles in the kitchen, her hugging me tight with tears rolling down our cheeks and Adele's singing filling the other side of the room, loud enough to zap us back to harsh reality.
Unexpected, after such a crazy night. But it only made me realize that I've forgotten that a part of me was broken, and I have yet fully healed. He never left my mind, always roaming somewhere inside and when I'm left alone with my thoughts to haunt me, it'd bring me back to him. But I've been strong enough, even to my surprise. It had hurt knowing I have lost him. For now, until forever - who knows. We might have that awkward eye contact the next time our paths come across, if that would even happen and pass each other by like we're strangers, nothing more.
I'm glad for one thing though I must say. The good thing about a relationship that didn't last long, is that there are less memories to hold on to, to look back at.
I never finished this post. In fact, I have left alot of my writings hanging lately because I can never find myself putting a dot to anything anymore without having that mere feeling of uncertainty. Mixed emotions, they never fail to haunt me. One thing that I am certain of though, in spite of the occasional lonesomeness and feeling unneeded, right now after all the days that have past, I am genuinely and honestly content with everything.
