I've been listening to alot of This Year's Love by David Gray. As of right now, I am too. I feel.. calm. Nostalgic. I'm feeling nostalgic. And I like it when I get moments like this.
I know I've mentioned alot of times how thankful I am for having this life I'm living. For knowing the people that I do. But it's just that I'm constantly reminded internally how grateful I should be. It dawns on me from time to time that I have many things, people, that others can only wish for. A mom who is understanding and forgives me for whatever I have done. And not that I take it for granted, I don't. Right now one of the only things I want is to not hurt my parents, to not make as much mistakes as before. I've been avoiding screwing up and when I do, God knows how disappointed I'd be of myself. Seeing my mom's face whenever she finds something bad out of me, is just something I wouldn't want. Not right now. Not ever. Because I love her more than anything. After all, she and Daddy are the ones who's going to be there for me, until death do us apart. Same goes to my father as well. Maybe I don't see him often seeing as he is one hell of a workaholic. But I love him nonetheless. He knows how to make me laugh and he's a genius. I wish I could be as smart as him, but of course, I wouldn't want to make work as my life. No offense, Dad :b Still, it's good to have them both as my parents. I'm just really glad I have a tight bond with them, you know? Some people don't even interact with their parents much. I'd hate that. To me family comes first, no matter what.
And then there's my lovely of a sister. Sure we fight sometimes but we always, always, have a cute silly way of making things right back. Girl talks, bonding over food and watching TV together, all I love. All I miss. Now that she's in Penang I'm missing her alot. Wish she was here from time to time but guess I gotta toughen up. This is only for four months. Can't imagine how it'd be like when she'll be studying in Australia. And of course, my best friends, my close friends, and just all my friends and in fact strangers I come across sometimes. People never fail to amaze me, surprise me. There's also my maid for 12 years. Yes, twelve. And she took good care of me, just like how a guardian would. Not to mention how understanding she is. And that is why I am always so thankful for their existence in my life.
Last but not least, Marwan Hashim. My boyfriend. You see, I'm not desperate when it comes to love. I'm the type of girl who, when single, has her heart reserved for the right guy. Not just for anyone. And he, won a spot in my heart. A big spot. He brought out the goodness in me, and changed me. Made me, want to change myself and become a much better person. Religiously, and as an individual. He's different than other guys, and I'm not just saying it. He's not a jerk and he's wise. On top of that, he sure knows how to make me laugh, make me happy and most importantly, make me smile. I feel safe whenever I'm with him. Secure. As if I belong. I wonder how I ended up meeting him. Was it fate, was it meant to be? Maybe God knew he could change me? Either way, it was a good thing. One of the best things. I swear. He is definitely one of the few people I'm beyond scared of losing. I love him a lot. I really do.
Biggest thing I am thankful for, would be the fact that I was born to this world as a Muslim. And that my God is Allah. I can't imagine being any other religion, though I respect people no matter what they believe in. Maybe I disobey a few of God's rules and I tend to curse or swear as I like, I still always keep in mind Islam's limits. And pray to God, talk to God, all the time. And, how can I forget. Me being lucky growing up with getting pretty much everything I need, and everything I ask for. I consider myself lucky for not living like some unfortunate Africans, and that I have every body parts complete. Maybe I'm insane sometimes, but that's beside the point. I'm not like, mental, you know.
I know I'm nowhere near perfect and there are always flaws people see in me. But really, I'm not that bad. I'm not half as bad as some people in this world. You just gotta learn to get to know me. Hear me out. And keep in mind, that no one is perfect. You aren't either. Don't say bad things about me just to make yourself feel better. To make you feel like you're above me. Cause truth is, you're not. Pretty much shows you're just.. insecure. But hey, whatever that makes you happy okay? After all, this screwed, messed, fucked up girl right here are the one who has the best people around in her life. What's your say to that. :)
