I can't remember the last time I was truly contented.
Lately I've been at one of my lowest points - doubting myself, feeling unsure of everything and overwhelmed with my newly found low-self esteem.
I feel like I'm not good enough. Never the best in anything, never perfecting what I've been practicing, never the person everyone expects me to be.
I don't think I like the person I'm becoming.
I hate the fact I no longer write, that I hardly feel inspired, that words don't come easily to me anymore as much as it used to.
I feel plain. Useless. A pointless person. A waste of space.
Life's been going downhill these past few days, or weeks. I can hardly remember. I always feel put down, compared to, belittled. Pressured. It's like nothing I do is ever right. Ever.
People seem to overlook the good deeds I do, the sincere words I've uttered, the helping hand I've offered. Not that I'm saying I'm such a darn good person but I just wish, just wish, to be appreciated and not be taken for granted. For people to have a bit of mercy, a little piece of humanity.
But then again, I'm not even that good or nice of a person. So I don't even understand why I'm asking to be treated differently.
I hate how I'm lacking focus, how I'm procrastinating, how I'm uninspired, how I'm slacking, how I've been ignoring my priorities and avoiding reality.
Not that my life has been dull, it's been pretty much the opposite. It's just the people who's been bringing me down.
I feel so outraged and sad at the same time, I pine for the day my heart would be at ease again.
See how meaningless this post has been? It's time I do a bit of soul-searching and find myself back.
I never thought I'd see the day that I'd dislike myself this much.
